If' Is Such A Painful Word
by Civil Enough
Summary: What's more agonizing than loving someone who doesn't love you back... is loving someone who used to love you.


**A/N: OMFG, I love this friggin poem! Uhm… forgot who wrote it though~ I just read it in some RyomaSakuno fic once… The title was 'handkerchief'; incase you're wondering.**

**I didn't edit this one, kay? I was too eager to post it and get it out of my hard drive and out of my head so I could finish D.I.S.T.W.B.S.F (Damn long ass title).**

**Sooo… If there are any grammatical errors or redundancy (one of the mistakes I make that hate the most) then I apologize. **

**Last note= PWNAGE! The title's so lame-o! But it fits so well! I don't know how; it just did!!! XD**

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"_What's more agonizing than loving someone who doesn't love you back…_

…_is loving someone who used to love you."_

*******

'**If' Is Such A Painful Word**

***

_**Everything started with a handkerchief.**_

"Ne, what are you doing here; always alone?"

"It's none of your business moron."

"Wa- You teme! I''m trying to be nice, you meanie!"

"Hn. Then go be nice to someone else."

Silence.

The shuffling of feet on wood as the whiskered five year old approached closer.

"I… can't. With anyone else, I mean."

It was a silent murmur, as if partly hoping that the other one wouldn't hear his explanation.

"Then why bother me?"

He flinched at the harsh tone, but being the persistent little boy he was; he couldn't let this chance go.

He was finally going to get a friend, wasn't he?

"Because… you're the only one who didn't try to hit me."

The other facing the water slightly turned his head in curiosity, making the other small boy smile.

"Hn."

"Do you… wanna play?"

Those shining blue eyes were full of hope- and it broke into a tear drenched sparkling ocean when he heard the raven's reply,

"No."

He couldn't let this little blonde baka see him crying, right?

_**My misery has taken over me, as tears fell from my eyes.**_

"Sasuke… do you have to be always so blank to others, bastard?

"…"

A sigh.

"See that? That's the after effects of being a stone rock in front of others! When you cover everything up so hard; you end up crying even harder."

"You're… one to talk dobe."

There was uncomfortable silence as the blonde boy listened to the others barely suppressed sobs once again.

"Uhm… so, teme…" he tried to begin awkwardly,

A pause.

"If… next time you need company for the grave visiting and all… just call me, 'kay?"

"Damn dobe. Stop sticking your nose where it doesn't belong."

_**He approached me and didn't talk.**_

"Don't. Don't try to stop me. Even if you try, you still can't."

The blonde boy's eyes flickered with unshed tears.

"I'm… here… aren't I? Haven't I always been? Why, Sasuke…?"

The drops of liquid finally fell; like a clear fresh stream lacking it's usual luster.

"…why?"

The pale one turned around to face the crying teammate, his black raven hair swishing against the wind as he did so.

"…"

"…Sasuke… please…"

His heart broke as he saw those blank and unreadable eyes. For the first time, even after such tragedies in his own life-

He knew then the pain that coldness could offer.

"None of your business, baka."

The tan boy suddenly toppled as a rather strong punch was sent to his stomach.

"…please…"

It was all he could utter…

…before everything blacked out.

_**All he did is to give me this handkerchief.**_

"Sasuke, forget it! Just forget, you teme!"

"You talk like that idiot. Shut up. You don't know what you're saying."

"Come back! Konoha needs you; we all need you- I…"

In a split second, the crimson red eyes of the kyuubi container shifted to it's natural bright blue.

"…need you too."

"Give me one good reason then dobe. See if you can."

The thick mockery in his voice was suffocating. The other grasped at what little sparkle of hope he could see.

"Sasuke… I love you."

In the span of silence that accumulated between them; the blonde boy thought it would have been better to die rather than hear those cruel words.

He should have expected it, right?

Right…?

"That's disgusting moron."

So why… did it hurt so much?

_**But I rejected his offer.**_

"I would do anything teme! Anything! Even if I have to drag you barely alive- I will!"

He looked pathetic.

Severely wounded and bleeding, his clothes torn and his legs shaking- hardly even able to support his body's weight.

"Do you really wish for death that much, Uzumaki?"

Blue eyes widened in disbelief at the use of his last name. A piercing throb echoed within his chest.

No…

Why…?

Why does he seem… too far away now…?

"Sasuke-teme…"

He was so numb from the pain he no longer cared.

If he looked wretched, pitiful- he was no longer aware.

"You think you can bring me back with such weakness?"

"Forget it Sasuke. Forget it. And come back- please come back…"

He faintly heard the unsheathing of the glittering katana; the sharp metal gliding along it's case.

And as he looked up into a deep pool of merciless black…

He closed his eyes, hoping that it would be a swift death…

"Don't worry. I'll just kill you with the rest."

Again, he left him there without a trace.

Left him with a scar; far painful than any wound.

_**As I cried again,**_

"I'll drag you back- Just you wait, dattebayo!"

A piercing shout, the fiery shine in those twin orbs never fading.

_**He did the same thing again.**_

"Even if I have to break every bone in your body, I will!"

A determined declaration, his fist clenched tightly along the deep gash in his chest.

_**And again.**_

"Teme! Stop leaving me behind! Sasuke you bastard; come back!"

A desperate scream, the anguish barely hidden within that pretentious scowl.

_**And again.**_

"Sasu… S-sasuke… Please, please… Just come back… Don't do this…"

A choked sob, the river of blood from the deep wound in his forehead mingling with the salty tears.

_**But I still gave rejection as a reply.**_

"Who ever told you I was coming back?"

The shock was apparent, the suffocating blow on his chest severe.

His world crumbled down.

And the day Uchiha Sasuke said those words,

Words more painful than the cruel rejection of his love;

Was the day Uzumaki Naruto…

… left without a sound.

_**But then, the day came,**_

"Orochimaru's dead. You've extracted your revenge. What more do you need Sasuke?"

The question was empty and his voice was hollow. The raven was surprised at how suddenly cold everything felt.

"Will you… come back to Konoha?"

A moment passes, and he's never wished more than this awkward moment with the blonde boy to be over.

"Usuratonkachi… I… said I'm not coming back, didn't I?"

Where was that determined flare? Where did it go?

"Thought so."

For once, he was met with a cold sapphire shade that seems to have frozen in some cruel time.

And again,

He disappeared without a word.

_**I realized,**_

"W-wait! Naruto!"

_**I loved him after all.**_

He closed his outstretched hand into a tight ball,

Frustrated, that he had grasped nothing but air-

And followed what he now knew was the most important thing in his life he had ignored.

_**I realized one more thing.**_

"Naru I-!"

The Uchiha stopped dead in his tracks.

Beside Konoha's gate was Naruto.

His body tensed as he hid himself behind an old oak.

"Naruto… Let's go home."

A sinking feeling in his gut told him to close his eyes.

For once, to his instinct; he didn't listen.

Because he couldn't tear his gaze away from the scene; as Naruto…

As Naruto…

…Held that person in his arms…

…Smiled at that person with such happiness…

…And kissed that person so tenderly…

_**I realized one more thing.**_

"Yeah. Let's go home Sai."

_**His handkerchief isn't for me anymore.**_

**~Owari **

…

**=^_^=**

**Just thought I'd add a smiley to make you feel better. (Look, look! It has scars! It's a **_**NARUTO**_** smiley!!! OMFG- cuuuute!!! XD)**

***sigh* Well, the duck butt had it coming, didn't he? Poor, poor Sasuke. Damn. I love it when he suffers. SERVES YOU RIGHT FOR LEAVING NARUTO IN THE MANGA! (Sorry… got a bit caught up…)**

**Hey, at least I didn't kill anyone this time, neeee~?**

**Anyway, I'm sorry if you're expecting a second chapter~ This angst wasn't too angsty for my taste, so I came to the conclusion of not doing a second chapter if it doesn't reach that sort of level I'm aiming for when I write- STFU; LISTEN TO THE EXPLANATION DAMNIT! I DIDN'T DO THE SECOND CHAPTER **_**NOT **_**BECAUSE I'M LAZY, OKAY?! **

**AND I'M NOT BEING DEFENSIVE!**

…

**Hey. You can call me pathetic for trying to convince myself now.**

**-But please, comment on it; kay? If I get enough request for the second chap maybe I will make one, eh? \(^O~) **

**Ah, if you think it's lame- feel free to tell me. Seriously. Please tell me because I think it is. (TT~TT)**


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